Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
