I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
