Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
