She said her name was "party"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
