Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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