we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
