Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
