saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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