he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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