I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've blown a few things in my day
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
