I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
