i think i have two assholes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
