pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
