Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Can Purell be used as lube?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
