it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
