just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
