Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
