Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
