What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
