If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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