The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
