Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
