in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
