we have officially lost it.
I looked at my own cervix.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
