She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
