even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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