I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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