I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
