Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
