why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
