i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You are a genius and a whore.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
