her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
