I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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