the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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