I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
