a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
