I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
