NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
