from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
