btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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