Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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