so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
