im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
