Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
