"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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