Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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