Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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