I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
