you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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