FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
