So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
