i already hear my dad disowning me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
