so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
