Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
