Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've blown a few things in my day
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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