Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
